(Bay Rang Peyya By Amjad Javeed)
Abdul Hnnan Ch
The lake was made in suburb. There was greenery all around it. There was a track around the lake. Wooden benches were placed along the track. Aayat and Shakeel were sitting on one of these benches. The Sun was ready to set. A ray of light was floating on the clear water of the lake. They were talking about general topics. Suddenly Shakeel asked her about their conversation that night. Aayat asked, “About love.”
“Yes, I realised you don`t agree with me,” he said.
“There are many theories about love in the world. If you believe in one of these theories, I don`t care. I can think about it when my life comes in that circle,” she said.
“What do you think I talked with you without purpose? I want you to understand love and try to live a better life,” he said.
“If I say that I am living a satisfied, luxurious and calm life, it won`t be wrong. The type of love you were talking about in not understandable,” she stated.
Shakeel said happily, “What can`t you understand? Tell me I shall make you understand.”
“If you don`t mind, may I explain it!” Aayat inquired.
“Go ahead,” he allowed.
“We can`t decide about any theory is right or wrong without implementing it. The conclusion of implementation decides its fate. You married Sherlyn, it was love marriage. You tried to live your married life according to your theory of love. What is the result? You are no more with your son and wife. You were so hopeless that you have to leave your successful life in America. You didn`t learn anything from the result that was produced by implementing your theory of love,” Aayat said calmly.
“I still love her but she proved herself unfaithful. According to the laws of country she could keep my son, so she kept. After all, she is his mother and has every right to keep him. I can give more justifications but I shall not do that. I learnt from it that something went wrong in our relationship. But it is reality that we loved each other and our son is the biggest proof of it. We preferred mental calmness. I can repeat similar kind of experiment again. My knowledge tells me that the persons who have no experience of devoting themselves in relationship can`t lead a happy life. Their inferiority complex ruins their personality,” he tried to explain.
“Neither she nor you are unfaithful. If she is treacherous then you are also not loyal,” Aayat saw at him and he asked interestingly, “Very interesting, can you explain it?”
She explained, “You both have the same feeling about love. The base of your commitment was weak that may only result in separation. You told me about the elements of love. You can research on your theory but result will be the same and it will not guide you to the right path. The standard of faith in your love theory doesn`t create the level of trust that is essential to keep a relationship.”
Shakeel asked, “What is meant by commitment according to your philosophy?”
“Light has the greatest speed but darkness also has the same velocity. Darkness will go away with the speed of light. Light and darkness have the same standard. What happened in your case is that you didn`t understand what love is. You both were attached with the same thinking which was not durable. The result is that you are separated now. The cause of your separation is just a little confusion,” she looked into his eyes.
He asked in a low voice, “What do you want to say?”
“You said that understanding love is more courageous than involving in love. Your experiences are based on materialistic approach. That materialistic approach creates space. How can you call it love which has created confusions, distances and anxiety? Either it is East or West if materialism will be the base of thinking the result will be separation. The result defines the nature of the decisions. When there is no collation between mind and heart then you will not get anything except anxiety. You borrowed your thinking from a society which creates space between the couple. It doesn`t believe in combing the people, it separates the people,” Aayat said.
He asked quickly, “In your opinion what is the thing that can create collation?”
She answered calmly, “It is coloulessness.”
He inquired surprisingly, “What is colourlessness?”
“It is the purity of a human which combines him with nature.”
He requested to explain. She answered in detail, “The relationship must be sincere. Colourlessness creates pure behaviours. Two hearts come on the same standard of thinking when they lose their individual colours. If you want to explain a limit or infinity you have to select a base of it. As zero is a basic digit. On one side of it are plus one, plus two and so on and on the other side there are minus one, minus two up to infinity. Wherever will you precede, you will find zero in the centre. You can neither go to plus nor minus side without penetrating through zero. Zero is colourlessness. This is purity. If your love with your relations is synchronized with nature it will be sincere.”
Shakeel asked seriously, “I can`t understand the concept of plus and minus in love. Even I accept it, how will we apply it in the case of love?”
“Everything has two aspects. Man is a master piece of matter and soul. Similarly, a man has two aspects apparent and conscience. For example, man and woman are two different genders and apparently different from each other but as a human their conscience is same. Love can`t prevail until the apparent doesn`t synchronize with conscience. When their inner self becomes colourless then they develop the emotion of love,” Aayat said seriously.
“We shall talk about inner-self and conscience later but please explain me plus and minus theory,” he said.
She explained in a low voice, “It is very simple. Husband and wife are humans. They possess all types of emotions. If they accept each other`s opinion, they can differ also. They are not robot. Love, anger, quarrel and sexuality everything is on the cards. If a husband will take interest in another woman the wife will feel jealousy. The woman who is not his wife will not feel jealousy. The case of man is same too. He will feel not so harsh when any woman except his wife will be involved in a relation but he will be furious to know about his wife`s interest in any other man. If they really love each other, will they leave each other due to this feeling of jealousy? The answer is no. The only thing which can keep them intact is there inner-self which has become colourless because of love. The delicacy in colourlessness brings them nearer to each other. They will become just like one unit.”
“You have introduced a new term delicacy. Can you ______________,” he tried to say but Aayat laughed and said, “We shall talk about it later. First try to understand whatever I have said today. We must have a topic to discuss for our next meeting.”
He looked at the Sun setting in the West and said, “Ok, let`s have dinner. Do you know any good place for it?”
Aayat said, “That`s like a good boy.” They stood up and walked towards the parking.
Aayat un Nisa had just arrived in her office and his cell phone rang. He saw the number, he was a business community member of Bhawalpur. She had just started business with him. She picked the call and exchanged some pleasantries. He said, “Madam, are you aware of the current political situation?”
She answered, “I am aware but not updated.”
“Sardar Sikandar and Tahir Bajwa has promised to support our candidate in the bye election. You were also involved in that commitment,” he said.
Aayat said, “Yes, it was decided.”
He told her in detail, “Sardar Sikandar is not ready to fulfill his commitment. He had rejected our candidate`s name, he wants to bring a candidate of his choice.”
She inquired, “That`s not good. Did you talk with him?”
“Yes, we talked with him last night but he is not ready to accept our candidate. That`s why I have disturbed you. Either you talk with him or you have to support our decision,” he answered.
She said, “I am with my people. If Sardar Sikandar is not listening you, he will not listen me also. I shall support you decision.”
He insisted to talk with Sardar Sikandar for the last time. She told him that she would talk and inform him after few moments. He told her that they would be waiting for her call.
That was not a surprise for Aayat. When Tahir had told her about Sardar Sikandar`s behaviour on his marriage with Rabia, she realised the situation. She knew that Sardar Sikandar would not agree. His candidate was Sajjid. Sardar had made that an issue of his ego. She thought for a while and called Sikandar Hayat. When he received the call she said obediently, “Uncle, I`m Aayat.”
He said, “I knew that you would call me.”
Aayat told him about the concerns of business community. He listened her carefully and said, “I have won that provincial assembly seat for myself. As my son has gone out of my control his national assembly seat will also go out of my control.”
“I`m not responsible of any of Tahir`s acts. I want ______________,” Aayat tried to say but Sardar Sikandar busted with anger, “You are the bone of contention. You have persuaded Tahir to marry Rabia. Can you deny that you haven`t brain washed him. That is all your fault.”
“Uncle, I accept that I have showed him the way but decision was of his own and ________,” she tried to explain but he interrupted her angrily, “I don`t know what is your enmity with my family. You wanted to ruin our political position, you have done it. But now I can`t allow you to damage us anymore. Do whatever you want. You can support any candidate, I shall accept the result.”
“You can`t break your promise. You have to stay firm to your commitment. It will _________,” she requested.
“Force Tahir to divorce Rabia otherwise I shall not support your candidate,” he said in a decisive manner. The line was cut but Aayat kept on watching her phone for a while. She called that man and told him that Sardar Sikandar was not ready to accept their candidate and they were free to do whatever want. She assured him her full support. She was very upset but she controlled herself very quickly.
Tahir was going to parliamentarian hostel after attending the national assembly session. He was mentally tired. He was waiting for Sajjid`s call. He wanted the latest political update from Bhawalpur. He was their candidate for the provincial assembly seat but after his marriage with Rabia, Sardar Sikandar was also angry with Sajjid. He had struck off his name from the list of candidates. Sikandar Hayat hadn`t informed him about his candidate. He had to tell the name of candidate next morning in the party meeting. He was not aware of the political situation. He was only thinking about Aayat. He was thinking why Aayat was so happy. What did she want? Aayat was free to take decision about herself. He must not think about her because he was Rabia`s husband. He was lost in thinking when his phone rang. It was Sajjid. He received the call. Sajjid told him, “Baba is still very angry. We went to meet him.”
Tahir asked, “Who is Baba`s candidate?”
“He has decided to bring a young man as his candidate with collation of Inam ul Haq,” he said. “What do you think if Baba brings his candidate __________,” he tried to say but Sajjid interrupted, “I shall not contest. It will be up to the business community to decide their fate. I have informed them about my decision. They are launching their candidate.”
“You may have talked with Amaan,” Tahir said.
“I went there to talk with her. She told me that Aayat also talked with Baba but he insulted her. He wants you to divorce Rabia. He thinks that Aayat is behind your marriage and I`m also in problem because of your marriage,” said Sajjid.
“Ok, let him do whatever he wants,” he said.
Sajjid told him that Baba had talked with party high command and party wouldn`t ask Tahir about the candidate. Tahir laughed and said, “That`s good.”
He asked, “Aayat didn`t ask you in this regard?”
“Not yet, but I think when I shall go back she will ask,” Tahir answered.
“I shall remain silent on that issue ______,” he said.
Tahir said quickly, “I shall not allow you to destroy your political carrier for me.”
Tahir had no concern about any situation. He was only thinking about Aayat. He realised that Baba had insulted her. She didn`t even talked about that incident. Was she angry with him or she didn`t want tell her about Baba`s behaviour. He started thinking in another way.
It was evening when Aayat crosses Shakeel`s house gate. Shakeel was smiling to see her. He welcomed her. Aayat asked, “Is this your clinic?”
“Yes, it was sitting room but now I have converted it in my clinic,” he told.
She said, “I know.”
He opened door for her and they went in. The atmosphere was great. There was dim dreamy light with new furniture. The walls were decorated with paintings. There was a synchronization from carpet to chandelier. She sat in sofa. Shakeel asked her if she would take tea or coffee while sitting in a sofa in front of her. She said carelessly, “As you wish.” He talked with somebody on phone and put the phone on a side. He asked her how his clinic was. They talked on various topics. Meanwhile, maid served tea. He took a sip of tea and said, “You were talking about conscience and its delicacy.”
Aayat answered, “Delicacy is present in a human`s inner self. You can`t touch, see or measure it. A man`s materialistic personality is his appearance and delicacy of soul is his conscience.”
“What is delicacy?” he asked.
“We have five senses, they are apparent but even then we can`t tell the exact taste of a thing to any other person. Different sounds have different effect on different people. What you feel about a touch, only you can tell. But can you explain it in words? Take a painting on the wall, it is similar for everybody but everyone will explain it in a different manner. We taste, talk, see, smell or feel with our five senses but it is hard to measure their effects. Love is just like these feelings, it can`t be judged by the apparent. It can only be felt by our inner-self. This is the delicacy,” she explained.
He said, “If science becomes able to measure it, what will happen then?”
“What will happen when science will be able to measure it is not our topic of discussion. On this point of our conversation, I shall only say that the delicacy of our five senses is a reality. It is ignorance to deny that reality,” she said.
Shakeel asked quickly, “Why is it ignorance?”
“The delicacy inside us is called refined taste. The delicacy is directly proportional to the refined taste. We can`t touch or see the refined taste of a person but it is a non-deniable fact. Can you measure the refined taste?” she asked while explaining her point.
Shakeel said, “We might be able to measure it in future.”
“But you have to make its scale first,” she said.
Shakeel asked, “What were you saying about love and inner self?”
“The system of love comprises of apparent and inner-self and it is synchronized with personality. There is always a vacuum until love doesn`t combine with apparent and inner self both. If there is a balance in love between apparent and inner-self, it becomes infinite. Inner self joins a human with nature. When a human joins hands with nature with love, nature also combines itself with him. It is unnatural not to have power. The powerful inner-self is colourless. The action of positive and negative is found in apparent. At that point the reality emerges in front of humans,” she explained.
“Your philosophy of colourlessness is unique, how it can show the reality?” he asked.
“It is said that the man saw itself in the clear water for the first time. The water is colourless. After the passage of time mirror was invented which is also colourless. We can see ourselves in only colourlessness. Humans can`t see themselves in impurity or colours. Only colourlessness can show the reality. Colourlessness is the hidden power of the universe. The universe has a quality that if a man combines with it, it adopts him. The man and the universe are interlinked with each other,” she answered.
“Can we feel it in apparent also?” Shakeel inquired.
“It is not felt but proves its presence,” she said.
“Your theory______” he tried to say but Aayat said quickly, “It`s not my theory.”
He took a deep breath and asked, “How can it create equilibrium in life?”
“A lot of vacuum is created when a materialistic man lives in apparent only. This vacuum is filled with various theories, self-made thoughts and philosophies based on fake stories. All these fillers are impure. The colour of these impurities stains our inner-self. Apparent is integral part of materialism. A materialistic research without apparent is incomplete,” she replied.
Shakeel said, “I shall think about it. If I am satisfied with this theory, I shall accept it otherwise you have to accept my theory.”
She said, “If you will argue with evidence and proofs, I shall definitely accept it.”
“That`s right,” he said happily as he had got a big success. Then he didn`t talk on that topic and they went inside his home. When Shakeel was in his bed, he unintentionally began to think about Aayat and her philosophy. He had allowed her to discuss her theory openly. He wanted to know about her thoughts. He wanted to perform her psychological analysis as directed by Dadu. He made a hypothesis that she was stuck in so called Eastern Theory of Love. To make that hypothesis a theory, he wanted to listen her. He wanted to know that she had such a theory matching with his hypothesis. How much intense her believe is. If there were any other reason for her suffering what they were? That was his style of scientific research. He had made some points to evaluate her personality. But he couldn`t succeed in his efforts. On the other hand, he had to listen an entirely different theory. Shakeel knew that to analyse a human there were various aspects as physical, chemical, psychological and biological aspects. He had a lot of book knowledge about love. Whoever defined love, he defined it by looking through only apparent. But the definition that Aayat described, he had no idea about it.
Shakeel belonged to Eastern society. He knew the Eastern Theory of Love. But he was taking Aayat as a patient. He wanted to treat her. He was surprised and confused because he was rethinking about his concept of love. He was thinking if he loved his wife why they were separated. Was he happy to give his son? Was it real happiness? Was it not inhuman to give birth to a child and handover him to somebody else? Was he sad? Did his knowledge not tell him that there was a thing which could combine the two persons? Was he living in a fake world? Was his justification that his wife was unfaithful right? She was treacherous or he was also involved in the breakup. The questions were arising. He had no courage to analyse himself. He was not able to accept that he was standing in the court of his conscience.
It is said when the man was civilized with the passage of time, he started to recognise his relations. The question is if the man has that quality so he was able to recognise his relations. What was the base of it? He was trying to control his thoughts but they were out of his control. He was not able to sleep. He was thinking about Aayat but now he was thinking about himself.
The Sun was shining. Everything was lighten by its rays. Tahir was sitting alone at farmhouse`s lawn. He had just came after dropping Sarmad at his school.
There were green trees and colorful flowers around him but he was confused. He was worried because of the news from Bhawalpur. The decisions taken there were due to his father`s ego. Sajjid was informing him about the latest developments. Baba had his candidate and business community was contesting him. Some others were also contesting election. That was a familiar process for him. It was going to happen. He had no concern with the result. In fact he was worried about Aayat. She had not contacted him for a single time regarding that situation. Why had she distant herself from him as he had no relation with her? He assumed that she had interest in only his marriage with Rabia and she got busy in her own world. He had been thinking like that for many days. He was in dilemma either to talk with her on that topic or not. When he saw Aayat with Shakeel he decided to remain silent. She was happy with him. There were a lot of positive and negative thoughts in his mind. She was continuously ignoring him, on the other hand Baba was insisting to divorce Rabia. He couldn`t handle that situation. “You will not go office today,” he was surprised to hear Rabia. She was standing in front of him.
“I shall go there after some time,” he smiled at her.
“Are you ok? If you are not feeling well____________,” Rabia tried to say but he interrupted and said, “I am fine. Why do you think like that?” he stood and asked.
“Normally you go to office after dropping Sarmad,” she said.
He said, “There was no work at office, I decided to go late. I`m going to get ready, can you please prepare a cup of good tea.”
“Ok,” she said calmly. Tahir went inside the house, Rabia followed him.
Tahir reached office and got busy in his work. Suddenly, his phone rang. It was Sajjid. He asked Sajjid why he called him. He told that Tahir`s Amaan was in Lahore and she was planning to go farmhouse. Tahir asked, “When?”
“I don`t know. But I think due to political situation in Bhawalpur Sardar Sab will try to find out a middle way to accept Rabia,” he said seriously.
“Let us see,” he said and disconnected the line.
He knew his father. He could do anything for his ego but he was a politician too. A politician`s first preference is always his power and authority. He didn`t afford to lose the provincial assembly seat. Whatever the reason was but he was happy. He dialed Rabia`s number to tell her but she didn`t pick up the phone. He called again but the result was same. He was worried. He tried for the third time, that time she picked up the phone. He asked, “Is everything ok? You were not attending my call.”
Rabia replied normally, “The phone was not with me.”
Tahir asked, “Are you ok Rabia?”
She answered, “Yes, I`m fine.”
“Ok, listen. My mother is in Lahore. She will come to farmhouse. If she comes, don`t let her go before my arrival. Call me immediately, I shall be there,” he said.
“She came but had gone now,” Rabia told.
He was stunned to hear that. He was thinking that something had gone wrong. He asked surprisingly, “Why did she leave so early?”
“I tried my best to stop her. I tried to call you, but she didn`t let me reach at the phone and went,” she informed.
“Ok, as she wish,” he said and disconnected the line.
The question why his mother went to farmhouse was not much complicated. He knew why she came there. He dialed Amaan`s number just for his satisfaction. Amaan received call and said, “So, you came to know that I went farmhouse.”
Tahir said, “You might have waited for me.”
Amaan replied angrily, “I went there for a purpose. I have done my duty and came back.”
“What kind of duty _____________,” he tried to say but Amaan said quickly, “Your wife didn`t tell you. If she hadn`t told you ask her and don`t call me again till you divorce her.” Amaan disconnected the line. He shivered with sorrow and grief. He was living like a prince. Amaan looked after him with great affection but now she was not even listening him. Was his marriage with Rabia a crime? He sat stunningly and was thinking about the situation. He was thinking that he had stuck in a great difficulty. His mother might have said something wrong to Rabia. What would she think? She was not guilty for that marriage. He was trying his best to control himself, meanwhile he saw Aayat standing in front of him. He thought that she might have come to talk about her mother`s behaviour with Rabia. He was thinking how he would face Aayat.
Aayat sat in a sofa and asked, “Are you ok? You are looking worried.”
He replied quickly, “No, I am fine. Your office is on a distance of few metres and you didn`t even bother to come.
She smiled and said, “I know but I am coming to office rarely.”
“You didn`t even come to farmhouse,” Tahir said confidently.
“I was busy. Your madam Farkhanda had called me to sign some important document, so I have to come,” she said and Farkhanda entered the office. Aayat signed some documents and stood up to go. Tahir said quickly, “What is this? You have come after so many days and going so early. At least have a cup of tea.”
Aayat looked at his face calmly and said, “I shall not take tea but have a dinner with you today at farmhouse.”
Tahir was happy to hear that. His mood changed for a few moments but then again he began to think about Amaan and Rabia`s phone. He wanted to go farmhouse early but he had to pick Sarmad from his school. He had to wait till Sarmad`s home time.
He picked Sarmad from his school and reached farmhouse. Rabia was in the lounge as usual. She welcomed them with her regular smile. Tahir didn`t notice any unusual expression on her face. When she took Sarmad`s bag, Tahir went to his room without saying a word.
It was evening but till then Rabia hadn`t said a single word about her interaction with Amaan. He was walking in the lawn. He thought that she might haven`t talked because of Sarmad. But at least for two or three occasions they were alone and she didn`t say anything. She was busy as per her routine. Tahir spent his time in watching T.V. and walking in the lawn. Suddenly, he thought that Rabia might be waiting Aayat to come and she would talk in front of her. He got worried. He was going towards lounge when Aayat`s car stopped in the porch. He walked towards the car. Aayat asked, “You were waiting me so eagerly.”
Tahir said promptly, “I wait for you every moment.”
“So I am going to have a nice dinner due to that,” she said and picked up gifts for Sarmad from the back seat. Aayat went in and he followed. Aayat remained intact with Sarmad after dinner. She was busy in telling him about his new game. She was explaining Sarmad about his game. After sometime, she stood up to leave. They went with her to porch to say her goodbye.
When Sarmad slept and Rabia came to bed, Tahir asked her politely, “Did you know that Aayat was coming?”
“No, I didn`t contact her today,” she told.
“How did you manage arrangement of dinner?” he asked.
She said normally, “Without any reason I cooked two three extra dishes.”
Tahir was waiting that she would tell him about her conversation with Amaan. She remained silent then he asked, “What did Amaan say to you?”
“Nothing, she came, asked about us and went,” she said with a mild smile.
“Tell me exactly what she has said,” Tahir insisted.
“Nothing serious,” Rabia replied.
Tahir said again, “Rabia, I have to know all about you conversation with her.”
“You must trust me. There was nothing serious. You may sleep calmly,” she smiled.
He shut his eyes but he was thinking about Rabia`s behaviour. He was unable to decide either she was speaking truth or not. He trusted Rabia but the circumstances were not in his favour. The life was testing him.
To be ………..